Notes

Outline

Gender, Marriage and Divorce Romans 12:1-2 Jim Sutherland, Ph.D. Reconciliation Ministries Network www.RMNI.org

Humanity’s Basic Identity: Gender: Genesis 1:27 God wants the sexes kept distinct.  No unisex attempting to dress like the opposite sex (Deut. 22:5).  What this means varies according to the culture.  Is the dress masculine or feminine--is the issue. God is opposed to transvestism (those attempting to be the opposite sex).

Homosexuality/Lesbianism 1≠1 God’s view of homosexuality is seen by His treatment of Sodom (Gen. 19:24-25). Homosexuality may be encouraged by domineering mothers and weak fathers, but Scripture calls it impurity and degradation (Romans 1:24). Those openly flaunting their sin are believing a lie (Romans 1:25). Christians are to treat them with no less Christian charity than other pagans.

Bestiality: human + animal The sexual union is reserved for a marriage between a man and woman. However, sexual relations with animals is discovered today, as in Uganda. Bestiality is an abomination to God (Lev. 18:23; 20:15-16).

The Sexual union is for Marriage The marriage bed is “pure” (Hebrews 13:4, NIV). “Shacking up” or co-habiting is impure. Wife-swapping is impure, as is practiced at German “swinger clubs.”  This has official government sanction—so what is legal is not always pure. “One night stands” are impure. What is acceptable by both in bed is pure.

Monogamy: 2 à 1 One male, Adam, was given one female, Eve (Gen. 2:24).  Jesus upheld the inspiration of that text and endorsed monogamy when He quoted from it, “the two will become one flesh” (Matt. 19:5-6; Eph. 5:31). God’s plan was not for a spouse and another lover or mistress and occasional prostitutes (1 Cor. 6:15-16).

Polygamy: 1 +1 +1+… God did allow polygamy in the Old Testament (Deut. 21:15; 2 Sam. 12:8).  Islam still allows four wives. It led to jealousy and strife in the family (Sarai and Hagar, Gen. 16:1-6; Leah and Rachel, Gen. 29:31-37). Should a man divorce a second or third wife if he just became a Christian?  God hates divorce, and He counsels against divorcing an unbelieving wife (1 Cor. 7:10). The New Testament teaches against polygamy through the ideal stated by Jesus and through the qualification that church leaders be monogamous (1 Tim. 3:2, 12).

Christian + Christian A true Christian may only marry a true Christian (2 Cor. 6:14-17). The Christian has been called out of darkness (1 Pet. 2:9), but unbelievers are still in the “dominion of darkness” (Col. 1:13). One is on the narrow way and the other on Broadway (Matt. 7:13-14). Marriage is normally for life, not for eternity, as Mormons teach (Matt. 22:30).

God Protects Sexual Relationships Adultery He warns adulterers (those married who have sex outside of marriage) and fornicators (the unmarried having sex) that they will be punished with hell, apart from repentance and faith in Christ (1 Cor. 6:9-10, 18). God sees all our sexual behavior, even in darkness (Prov. 5:21)--as He did King David’s (2 Sam. 12:9).

Steps Toward Adultery This begins in the heart, by watching another’s partner (Prov. 4:23; 6:25; Matt. 15:19), or watching a virgin (Job 31:1). We make provision for the flesh (Rom. 13:12-14) when we allow unholy liberties with our eyes, including what we see on TV, videos, the Web and in magazines and books. This is self-destructive behavior (Dr. Laura Schlesinger), because it cannot be satisfied within the will of God. Pornography offends the spouse and puts ungodly pressure on the sexual relationship.

Antidotes to Adultery If you’re unmarried and cannot control yourself, marry (1 Cor. 7:9). However, marriage obviously doesn’t solve the problem of illicit sexual relations or there would be no adultery (Bill Gothard). A joyful marriage—including rejoicing in each other sexually—is perhaps the best antidote (Prov. 5:15-19).

Fornication (sex outside marriage) The root word is “pornea” in Greek, from which we have “pornography.” As with adultery, those practicing it will not inherit God’s Kingdom (1 Cor. 6:9-10; Eph. 5:5-7; Heb. 13:4). Since a Christian’s body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, fornication is sin against our body (1 Cor. 6:18-20).

Playing With Fire A true Christian engages in potentially self-destructive behavior by dating non-Christians. God doesn’t condone marriage to “evangelize.”  If he won’t “convert” to “get you,” he probably won’t convert after he has you, although a husband can be won by submissive wife (1 Pet. 3:1-2).

Why Say “No” A woman who gives away her virginity without the vows of marriage is incredibly blind or ignorant.  She squanders her purity and her body and the man takes advantage of her, taking without giving security. According to one study, only 10% of those living together unmarried eventually marry each other. “Why buy the cow, when you can have the milk for free?”  There is little leverage for marriage left.

Engaged and Tempted? Engagements are relatively easy to break.  Whether or not it is broken, virginity is lost. Even if marriage follows, a woman can  carry resentment for having had premarital sex without the honor of marriage. Engagement can be used to break down a woman’s defenses.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases Spiritual and natural laws are in harmony. When spiritual laws are broken, there are penalties in time as well are in eternity.  A thousand years before Christ physical and emotional penalties followed sexual sins (Prov. 5:11-12). STD’s aren’t transmitted within a mutually monogamous marriage, reflecting His blessing of the marriage bed.

“Safe Sex” The best protection from STDs is sexual purity.  Other methods are imperfect against AIDS and other diseases. Christians aren’t forced to sin (1 John 3:9; 1 Cor. 10:13).  Consider the consequences. Consider self dead to sin, so we don’t have to allow sin to control our body (Rom. 6:11-13). The fruit of the Spirit includes self-control (Gal. 5:22-23).

Why Have a Wedding Ceremony? This holds marriage in high honor (Heb. 13:4).  Jesus dignified marriage by attending one with His disciples and even replenished the wine (John 2:1-9). The partners usually make public vows (Prov. 2:16-17; 31:2) to each other before God, marriage, and summon any objectors to speak or thereafter keep silent.  Publicly they set themselves apart for each other.

Why Have a Ceremony? In Christian ceremonies, the husband promises to love (Eph. 5:25) and care for his wife, and she to honor and submit to his headship (Eph. 5:22-24; 1 Pet. 3:1-6). Those unwilling to honor marriage publicly may not honor it privately.  However cultures sometimes makes public ceremonies too expensive.  The Church should provide affordable weddings.

Why a ceremony? A marriage provides occasion to celebrate God’s first institution; reminds us of the biblical pattern; and is the most pure and noble moment in any society. A marriage performed by a licensed minister (or civil authority) gives legal status and privileges to each other and to their offspring.

Wedding Bell Blues Because marriage joins two sinners for life, liberal forgiveness is required, before bitterness develops (Matt. 18:21-22; Heb. 12:15; Eph. 4:26-27). No other relationship tests character as does marriage.  Just prior to Paul discussed marriage in depth, he wrote, “be filled with the Spirit” (Eph. 5:18, NIV; see Gal. 5:22-23). Adultery, however, breaks the marriage union.  Forgiveness may or may not be extended.

Divorce Jesus Himself allowed divorce because of adultery (Matt. 19:9).  It isn’t mandatory, but neither is it un-Christian for the offended party to divorce. Desertion by a marriage partner who is not a Christian leaves the Christian unbound to that marriage (1 Cor. 7:15).

Divorce Apostles Paul and Peter stressed winning the unbeliever to Christ (1 Cor. 7:16; 1 Pet. 3:1-2).  The assumption is that either husband or wife became a Christian after marriage.  But God has also called us to live in peace (1 Cor. 7:15).  If an unbeliever wants to leave, the believer will have more peace not interfering. The Bible is silent regarding other grounds.  Much that is legal divorce (as for “incompatibility” or “irreconcilable differences”) is unscriptural and therefore sinful.

Divorce God “hates” divorce (Mal. 3:15-16).  Divorce for other than adultery or desertion (some would extend it to desertion by a believer), makes either husband or wife liable to the charge of adultery upon further sexual relations. From God’s perspective, they are still married (Matt. 19:9). Therefore be very careful who you marry (Matt. 19:10-11).

Remarriage It’s clearly alright to remarry upon the death of a marriage partner (1 Cor. 7:39-40), but particularly those of childbearing age (1 Tim. 5:14). Good Christians differ on grounds for divorce, but Jesus is clear that if a person divorces due to adultery, he or she doesn’t commit adultery by remarriage. Since the deserted partner is “not bound” (1 Cor. 7:15), presumably to the former partner, there is freedom to remarry a believer (2 Cor. 6:14-17).

Singleness Despite the norm being to fill and rule the earth, singleness for the Kingdom was encouraged by both Jesus and Paul (Matt. 19:11-12; 1 Cor. 7:1, 8-9).  This enables focus upon the work of God, instead of upon the marriage partner (1 Cor. 7:32-35). Paul was also concerned about the liability of marriage in times of persecution (1 Cor. 7:26).  The world climate may or may not be similar today.

The Gift Nobody Wants Singleness is a spiritual gift (1 Cor. 7:7).  A lack of sexual self-control confirms its absence (1 Cor. 7:9). The history of Christian missions particularly through the 1800s shows that it was largely single men who preached the Gospel in new lands, before the advent of Protestant missions (also mainly begun in the 1800s).

Complete in Christ A single Christian finds completion in Christ, just as does any other Christian (Col. 2:9-10). Singleness doesn’t mean incompleteness, just as marriage doesn’t necessarily mean completeness.  The foundation of identity is Christ (Phil. 1:21). You can be single and happy and married and miserable. But God didn’t institute marriage for misery’s sake.  If we obey His and depend upon His love (Rom. 5:5), it can be the most beautiful, and exciting human relationship.